small step for my kind

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Too much Joy??

Ian Curtis
I try not to devote too many days worthof thinking to one thing. I am easly obssed and it seems to be happeing again. Beautifl young tragic genious really affects me. It makes me doubt myself mankind and certianly most woman. The tragady of Ian and others like him...Yes even Adam(Ant) stays in my mind and plays like a broken record. I cannot get them out. This when I truly ian curtisWonder about the inner wrokings of my mind and my own prattling with the muse of tragedy or would it be comedey. Its like a a farce or a Molier play (I wish he had been a Britt for a more heartfelt refrance on my part.) I think it is time to leave the power of Joy for the chemicl depandancy of Bez and The Happy Modays. To me there is too much Joy!!!

He walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies,
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meets in his aspect and his eyes;
Thus mellow'd to that tender light 5
Which Heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impair'd the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress
Or softly lightens o'er his face, 10
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.
And on that cheek and o'er that brow
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow, 15
But tell of days in goodness spent,—
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Control Lost (The angel in Hell)


My sad British love. everything he wrote took its toll

Early life

Curtis was born in the Memorial Hospital, Old Trafford, Manchester, in 1956. He grew up in the Hurdsfield area of Macclesfield and from a young age he exhibited talent as a poet. He was influenced by the musicians David Bowie and Iggy Pop.

Curtis married his girlfriend Deborah Woodruff in 1975, while they both were still teenagers. They had one child, Natalie (born 16 April 1979). Curtis had a lover, Belgian journalist Annik Honoré, whom he met after a concert in an interview.

Joy Division

In 1976, Curtis convinced himself his destiny was as a performer. He eventually met two young musicians, Bernard Sumner and Peter Hook. Sumner and Hook mentioned to him they were trying to form a band and he immediately put himself forward as a vocalist and lyricist. The three of them recruited and sacked a succession of drummers before settling on Stephen Morris as their final member. Initially, the band was called Warsaw before changing its name to Joy Division in 1978, due to conflicts with the name of another band, Warsaw Pakt. The name "Joy Division" stemmed from the sexual slavery wing of a Nazi concentration camp in the 1955 novel The House of Dolls.

While performing for Joy Division, Curtis became known for his quiet and awkward demeanor, as well as a unique dancing style reminiscent of the epileptic seizures he experienced, sometimes even on stage. The resemblance was such that audience members were sometimes uncertain if Curtis was dancing or having a seizure; there were several incidents where he collapsed and had to be helped off stage.

Many of Curtis's writings were filled with imagery of emotional isolation, death, alienation, and urban degeneration. He once commented in an interview that he wrote about "the different ways different people can cope with certain problems, how they might or might not adapt".

Ian Curtis


Curtis' last live performance was on 2 May 1980 at Birmingham University, a show that included Joy Division's first and only performance of the song "Ceremony", In the early hours of Sunday, 18 May 1980, Curtis hung himself in his kitchen after having viewed Werner Herzog's film Stroszek and listening to Iggy Pop's The Idiot. Many rumours surround the possible reasons for his suicide, with his poor health (due to the drugs he was having to take for his epilepsy, an exhausting performing schedule and related epilepsy problems) and failed marriage most often suggested. He was 23 years old.

Tony Wilson speaking about the death said, "I'd been warned on a train to London two weeks earlier by Annik Honoré, Curtis' lover. I asked her, 'What do you think of the new album.' She goes, 'I'm terrified.' I said, 'What are you terrified of?' She replies, 'Don't you understand? He means it.' And I go, 'No, he doesn't mean it - it's art.' And guess what? He fucking meant it."Curtis was cremated, and his ashes were buried in Macclesfield Cemetery.[4] The inscription on his memorial stone, "Love Will Tear Us Apart", was chosen by Deborah Curtis, and is a reference to the Joy Division song.

ian curtis

Monday, June 16, 2008

Rest, Rust and Recreation

I am off for 3 days. One day sleep, one day health one day play. My body is not used to this non exercise lifestyle and all my extra work has caused me some physical pain. Not really pain but weariness and muscle aches. It will take some finagling on my part to get a routine it is just quite a bit harder without a car.
I had a great day at work. Low sales but sort of a team building kind of day with the other managers. Lauren and Julie where really funny today so I had fun with it.
I gave my ex a tie for fathers day and I think Mike got a bit jealous. He is cute that way. It was strange when Cecil me it was so foreign. I have only been with Mike for 8 years now that any man feels wrong. it was a nice jester but I only belong to my love. I left so many instructions at work for everyone, I hope things get done. It is not that I do not trust them I just need all these things done so we can just start doing betterSpanx.
Lots of SPANX TO SELL.!!!!
Sold about 100 so far. So I want to sell 200 more so I can do well...
I think I will go bath the boy and see what is going on with Brenda. I am on people overload and I want no political thoughts in my head tonight.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Too many clothes???? Never!!!

Davardo says I own too many clothes. In other word I shop too much. I think he is crazy. We work at Nordstrom and he for Chanel how could he say such things. Now he has a De rigour ensemble BLACK. I on the other hand do not and I hate reaping my outfits. I do repeat them at times but I change them around with jewelry and hosiery (yes that is I with the Makeup-Forever eyelashes at on Beauty on Location) But even then I have a thing for Betsy Johnson purses and earrings and other gadgets.
<span class= She is left over from my real youth. Why back about the time Ian Curtist died and Blue Monday came about.The days of bars such as Raw Power and Light. The original Changes and Spit Club in Boston. Shows like Bow Wow Wow, INX, The Furs,The Police,The Clash Split Enz and Adam Ant. People like Lee, Scott and Rudy. Stores like Commander
Salamander in DC and Fiarucci in NYC. I miss it or rather I remember it. It is an era many years ago and I have other things happening now. I guess it is Nostalgia. A free fucking time in life. I love my life but I miss the darkness and the drink and the total hedonism I reveled in. This is not my life now but the Gen X in know seemed to have missed the whole thing. Thank God or Kurt for Mike. This world would suck without him. He is someone who feels heart and soul the Music of the genius the music of the thinker, the desolate,the poet.
He is a wonder in my life that is often filled with the mundane and the aftermath of stupidity. I shutter thinking of my daily encounters with the bleakness all around me but a smile from my boys alleviates the pain of mediocrity.
All in all I cannot spend anymore I need a car Cartoon Car.
To allow peace from my deprecating nature and shelter me from that which cases me anguish. It is people but I hate admitting to it. I am not good at the money thing but learning is growing even if it is stifling I will live!! So I must learn to bite the bullet and save!! It ia quite beyond me but when I threaghten to leave my husband becasue of the pblic transportaion fight it is something I must think about.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008


allBRT, Jacksonville, JTA, JTA BRT
I have been riding with the masses and the crazies in the heat. Not that I am opposed to it in the abstract but the smell, the heat and my own horrible disposition when exposed to the heat and a hard day at work. My husband likes the masses and he is so concerned for the environment that the stench of an armpit of a male fellow passenger does not bother him. My son loves riding so much that he calls it a FANTASTIC VOYAGE. He will not even ride in my ex husband when I am using it for errands. I wish I could view the world through his eyes and maybe It would not be such an issue for me. Alas, it does not and I am not the better for it.

I am listening to the new David Sedars book in the iMac so I will report later.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Wax and Wane

The hosiery baby died. My girl at work had a miscarriage she wasn't very far along but I know how it feel because I had one. Its tragic but she is only 22 and her whole life ahead of her. I can never tell her because this is not what one needs nor wants to hear when this situation arises. Only time heals all wounds.Its true!! No matter how trite this sounds I know it is true. Well at least it is true for me.
Now I know she has really good reason not to be at work and the doctor told her not to come in till Monday but the other girl called in ill and she just seems to be stressed from school.I do not think Kathleen is quite cut out for reality. I think she believes that her dream job of teaching as an ESL teacher will make things all honky dory but she has never taught and she is 28.
What it all comes down to is that I have not had any coverage at work for 3 days. I have been working double shifts FUCKING Tired!!!
So whats a girl to do??
Well I go between feeling sorry for them, then me then I get angry. There are things to be done at work that are not going to happen because of their absence. So I will have to ride it out.
So like the moon my moods will wax and wane and I will continue the cycle.
Thank God for Davardo (David+Retardo=Davardo) I am Monarded(Monica+retarded=Monarded)He is my long lost brother/sister. He is my makeup artist, a Chanel god of sorts.Chanel makeup icon He is the kindest most decent human being I have met in a long time. He feeds me spiritually. He makes sure I get to work now that my car is broken and he makes me laugh.
He took me shopping after work. He bought some sheets. Mostly I walked around with him. It was nice doing this with a friend. I am glad we met

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Cool and Collected

So I had a "Talking to" with one of my girls at work and it went well. At least hope it did. It is so hard to tell. This leader thing is interesting. I truly enjoy it!!!
Now I got a couple of cool sun dresses. They really feel good and now that my hair is short it all feels cooler. When I was talking with K at work I was sweating up a storm. I also noticed at PF Chang's the other night. I think I am beginning to sweat socially. Weird!!! I use a lot of exclamation points. Weird too!!!!
So tomorrow public transportation begins. I cannot even say bus, but we will prevail I know it. I will have to buckle down and save. It will be a long day tomorrow cause I am working 12 hours but Will survive!!!!!

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Lost in love

Ever feel lost about true love. Do you believe as I do that a kiss is more intimate than sex. I harbor very few feelings of lost love. In other words men who I once loved, now that it is over I feel nothing for. Not sadness nor hatred, not friendship nor regret. This leaves me wondering about the exact depth of my feelings. Is it natural? I even lost a lover to death and I have never felt anything but maybe detachment. This is a matter that I have given quite a bit of thought to and still..... No answer

Monday, June 2, 2008

Death becomes her

So what do you do when people start dying or getting illness that are and could be fatal. If you are entrusted with such a secret it is very frightening yet an honor at the same time. To be held in such esteem by someone that you have known for an eternity and not know that you are still that important to them makes you wonder about life, karma and you place in it. I hope all goes well for my "friend" my heartaches at his burden that he has chosen to bear alone. He is stronger than I ever knew. I wish I could offer better explanation but I promised not to so I wont. I am just not good here.
Work is just that yet I still love my job. It is strange to see the dynamics of women working so closely together. To see the clicks and the cat fights. There is sch a high school feeling about the whole thing. I feel weird to have workers fighting over whether or I have a teacher pet or if one person is an ass kisser. I come from a professional environment and this is so insipid. Kathleen(the whiner) went as far to tell Marlana(the supposedly ass kisser)that because,Kathleen had lived in Europe she was better equipped to the one in charge!
You tell me what one thing has to do with the other.

Well a broken car, the end of the school year and a new purse. I will post a photo as soon as I get one take.It is my dream purse. Well I'll be back

In my eyes

In my eyes

My kind of cops.

My kind of cops.

Jeero the traveling fool

Jeero the traveling fool
ooh la la


My Hormiga done right

My Hormiga done right

Crazy Spike n Dru

Crazy Spike n Dru

My Purse

My Purse

only show biz loses